I don’t think of myself as an overly emotional person. Don’t get me wrong I am not a hard faced woman without emotion, I just mean I don’t get upset or cry at things that maybe other women might do. For example if a soppy film is on, I will develop a rather large lump in my throat rather than blubber around people. If I am on my own, then that’s another matter entirely. Crying at a particularly heart wrenching episode of Eastenders needs to be done strictly in private. I can’t remember when that was, but I assure you there was at least one episode!
Now back to my point. I don’t get upset easily so the mix of hormones raging around my body at the moment has taken me by surprise. Yesterday I got upset over fish. My colleague was talking about a time he returned home to the Philippines for several weeks and locked his bedroom door in his shared house. What he had forgotten about was the fish he owned that would need feeding. It wasn’t until he had boarded his flight that he realised he hadn’t left his room key with his housemate, meaning there was no means of her feeding the fish in his absence. When he returned from his holiday, wracked with the guilt of leaving them to starve, he found their skeletons floating in the tank. As a person he is very flamboyant and camp, so this got him quite emotional dredging up the memories and he wafted at his eyes to stop them streaming. What surprised me was how I joined in and my eyes well and truly welled up, our other colleague thought we were nuts.
I have heard how pregnant women can get emotional over the slightest thing on the telly, even baby adverts! I don’t see that happening with me or at least I never dreamt that would happen to me. Now maybe I am not so sure. I wasn’t this emotional when pregnant with Beastie, that I can recall, my husband may think otherwise. I couldn’t watch scary films and I used to be a big fan of scary flicks. My husband couldn’t for the love of god get me to watch the latest Saw film, yet I happily watched the preceding films pre ‘with child’. Since my first pregnancy I have been acutely more aware of my own mortality and what would happen to Beastie if I or my husband weren’t around. Driving around in the car is even different, before I used to put my foot down much more. Did I not care if I had a crash and what would happen to my family? I am sure I did but nothing made me stop and think like I do now. Every move I make now I think about the repercussions and how a little boy (plus bump) depends on me and will do for a fair few years yet. It’s scary but yet it’s a natural part of being a parent, something definitely shifts in your brain.
You get warned about lots of aspects of motherhood and what to expect. However, I don’t remember being warned about the prospect of becoming a wimpy Mummy. I have lost my nerve with lots of fun things, go karting and hardcore scary films to name but a few…and now? now I am reduced to tears over fish.